sometimes, it is hard to stay positive about losing weight.

it’s not like i am not having success … on the contrary, i have lost 10 kgs in 3 months …

but i’m fairly overweight, so i still have so much more to lose to be not overweight anymore.

and losing weight is hard.

i know this is the price i pay for not looking after myself in the first place - that if i’d showed some restraint previously, i would not have to forgo so much right now - but that doesn’t make it easier to remember why i’m doing this, when it feels like i’m constantly digging a hole in dry sand.

dieting is hard. it’s nigh impossible when you’re not seeing results, but it’s still hard even when you are when you’ve got this much ground to cover.

i’ve completely changed what i’m eating and i’ve lost 10 kilos and that’s fantastic and i’m proud and pleased and all … but at the end of the day, i’m still fat.

and i don’t want to be fat.

i guess it’s a patience and a persistence thing. *sigh* i mean, i’m not saying i’m gonna give up. just that i don’t like it.

and when people congratulate me on losing weight, i feel bad coz i wish they were congratulating me because i’d lost more. and then i feel bad that i feel bad, and my god, that’s a cycle that just never ends.

* title from ‘i don’t need the city’ by neuroticfish *

(more…)

i was cleaning up and goddamnit … i just found your letter again.

i wish i could bring myself to burn it, or even just throw it out, but i can’t. it’s like if i get rid of it, maybe i won’t remember what you did, and maybe i’ll let you in to do it all over again. maybe i won’t remember to learn my lesson.

(more…)

my husband and i don’t celebrate Valentines Day.

i object to the idea that society allocates a day where people are told they should be entirely focused on love. do not tell me when and how i should express my love for someone. it’s inappropriate and entirely unwelcome.

other reasons why i don’t like it:

it makes lonely and unhappy people even more lonely and unhappy, whether they’re single or in a relationship.

it encourages people to put unrealistic expectations on their partners - particularly women towards men - expectations like romantic declarations of love from atop tables in the middle of crowded food halls, or presents like gigantic bouquets of red roses, fancy chocolates, and oversized stuffed teddybears that cost some people most of their paycheque.

it makes it hard for people who are born around this date to celebrate their birthday with their friends and family.

it gives people an excuse to treat their partners like shit for the rest of the year as long as they do something “romantic” today.

it gives florists an excuse to cover the goddamn pavement out the front of their shop with rose petals.

it means the supermarkets are even more overflowing with chocolate in bright, attractive packaging.

that is all. :)

my hair was kinda long. not long by other people’s standards, but long by mine. it was just kinda hanging off my head (i felt) and it was taking too much effort to do anything with, and i’m lazy.

so i just cut about 2-3 inches off it.

it feels better, and i think it looks better too. hopefully, it doesn’t look stupid to everyone else :p

i find it interesting that i can’t let my hair grow beyond a certain length without going a bit mental about it, while my husband’s hair is almost long enough for him to sit on and it doesn’t bother him. it is different though; he always wears it in a ponytail and i like to have mine out as much as possible. plus he’s got fairly thick hair, and i’ve got fairly fine hair, so it doesn’t hold styles very well, particularly when it’s longer, so it just all looks limp and flys all over the place. and i’m too vain not to do anything about it :)

… i wonder if his hair is so much nicer because he hasn’t spent the last 20 years constantly trying to style it.

* blog title from Ken Bruce gone mad by TISM *