Mother couldn’t love me, but that didn’t stop me
From liking her
She was my mom
And I was no son of a bitch

Daddy was a drunk, a most unpleasant man
Asleep on the floor
Just inside the front door
With a smile underneath his red nose

The wrong look his way, well that could really wreck his day
And believe me when I say, it would wreck your day too

Grandma took me in, though times were pretty thin
Said I was no son of a bitch

Down on my knees
Begging God please

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I did not speak out;
As I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I did not speak out;
As I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
As I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I did not speak out;
As I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

(more…)

sometimes, it is hard to stay positive about losing weight.

it’s not like i am not having success … on the contrary, i have lost 10 kgs in 3 months …

but i’m fairly overweight, so i still have so much more to lose to be not overweight anymore.

and losing weight is hard.

i know this is the price i pay for not looking after myself in the first place - that if i’d showed some restraint previously, i would not have to forgo so much right now - but that doesn’t make it easier to remember why i’m doing this, when it feels like i’m constantly digging a hole in dry sand.

dieting is hard. it’s nigh impossible when you’re not seeing results, but it’s still hard even when you are when you’ve got this much ground to cover.

i’ve completely changed what i’m eating and i’ve lost 10 kilos and that’s fantastic and i’m proud and pleased and all … but at the end of the day, i’m still fat.

and i don’t want to be fat.

i guess it’s a patience and a persistence thing. *sigh* i mean, i’m not saying i’m gonna give up. just that i don’t like it.

and when people congratulate me on losing weight, i feel bad coz i wish they were congratulating me because i’d lost more. and then i feel bad that i feel bad, and my god, that’s a cycle that just never ends.

* title from ‘i don’t need the city’ by neuroticfish *

(more…)

i was cleaning up and goddamnit … i just found your letter again.

i wish i could bring myself to burn it, or even just throw it out, but i can’t. it’s like if i get rid of it, maybe i won’t remember what you did, and maybe i’ll let you in to do it all over again. maybe i won’t remember to learn my lesson.

(more…)