Note to self : when feeling sad about Heath Ledger’s death, watching tribute videos on YouTube doesn’t help.

I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense here, but I’m still reeling from the news that Heath Ledger died last week. He was such a good actor. And now his baby girl is going to grow up without knowing him. It’s just so sad.

And it reminds me of other celebrities’ deaths that affected me … namely River Phoenix, Jeff Buckley and Michael Hutchence.

First thing I become aware of here is the age difference … I was 12 when River Phoenix died, and 16 when Jeff Buckley and Michael Hutchence did, not 3 years off hitting 30. Am I not too old for this fan-girl behaviour?

And there’s a consistent theme here. Reported stories indicate that all 4 of them were doing something incredibly stupid that led to their death - like, taking ridiculous amounts of different drugs together or going for a midnight swim fully clothed (in steel-toed boots, no less) alone in a river. (And the jury is still out on the asphyxiation thing - official line is MH committed suicide, but popular belief is it was a kinky thing, which I don’t think is stupid in and of itself, but doing it whilst alone? My god. So much for having a safety word.) Either way, they all would’ve been better off if they’d just gone to bed. (Well, in Heath’s case, if he’d gone to bed without taking a shitload of prescription drugs.)

Anyway, the most obvious similarity is of course that I was chronically hot for all of them. [sigh]

So by that rationale, it would appear their deaths upset me so much because they were all incredibly cute and fantastically stupid.

The most annoying thing of all of this though is that Heath’s death brings back to my fore-brain memories of friends who have died, one of whom is intrinsically linked in my mind with the afore-mentioned Mr Buckley. So you see, it’s a vicious circle of thoughts of death, and I think it’s probably unnecessarily and unhealthy. And yet …

Finished Kane + Lynch on the xBox last night, after starting it after work on Saturday, and pausing only to eat breakfast + do some shopping yesterday morning. It was pretty good. It looks great, and getting to play co-op was fantastic, and Lynch is one crazy mofo (even the characters on screen change appearance when Lynch is having an “episode”). And after Assassin’s Creed, it was certainly a change of pace. There was much swearing (I’m not talking about just on screen!),  and a couple of times where controllers nearly got thrown across the room, but that all adds to the fun, doesn’t it? There were a couple of scenes we had to redo a couple of times because neither of us have played a lot of shooters on the consoles (and we’re not very good), but nevertheless, it was a lot of fun.

We still haven’t finished Assassin’s Creed. It’s such a great story, and I love the cities (Damascus, Jerusalem etc), but the gameplay feels really slow, and I get a bit bored. It’s just all the same missions in the same 4 towns, over and over again. And you have to have a lot of patience to “blend”, I think, but it doesn’t feel sneaky-sneaky like Metal Gear Solid, just slow. But we both really want to finish it, and I hope the ending is worth it, because I do think it has a lot of potential.

…  I just served a teenage girl clad only in a bikini.  My brain is torn by the fact I am a prude who thinks that’s completely inappropriate (the beach is not within walking distance) and by the fact I am a perv.  Anyway, moving on …

Last day of work today. 13 days off. Hooray! And we are currently completely without plan. Excellent.

I have to go and call customers now. Otherwise they might forget they want to pick their things up for Christmas.

i remember acutely what being a teenager was like. i remember having friends and then losing friends, being singled out, being lonely and depressed, feeling under pressure, overworked and under-appreciated. i remember sleeping through class, lying awake all night, and thinking about running away and killing myself. it feels like a lifetime away and yet i remember so clearly that i can still sometimes feel the pain i used to feel. i never ever thought i would find happiness. and yet, i did.

these two teenage girls in melbourne will never know the release, the relief, the overwhelming joy at experiencing happiness after years of suffering. they will never understand that it can all lead to something brighter and better at the end of the terrifying tunnel that being a teenager can be. i wish someone had told them, that someone had explained all that to them. maybe they did, and maybe they just didn’t listen.

we could blame the parents, the internet (which they _are_ blaming, of course), the school, their peers, but i don’t think its any one thing in particular. i think it’s all because of the way our society is - we just do not have a fantastic support system for kids these days. and it’s so incredibly sad. and all we can do as individuals is try our best to be positive influences on the lives of the kids who we know, and pay attention to them, and never forget how hard it can be.

i don’t want to be a mother, but that doesn’t mean i don’t care about kids. i just hope as a society we can learn to take better care of our children, and give them the education and understanding they need. it doesn’t mean young people won’t kill themselves, but maybe it won’t happen so much.

you may have noticed little icons in the comments section of this website lately. this is basically what it’s all about :

“A gravatar, or globally recognized avatar, is quite simply an 80×80 pixel avatar image that follows you from weblog to weblog appearing beside your name when you comment on gravatar enabled sites. Avatars help identify your posts on web forums, so why not on weblogs? Signing up for a gravatar.com account is FREE, and all that’s required is your email address. Once you’ve signed up you can upload your avatar image and soon after you’ll start seeing it on gravatar enabled weblogs.”

so, if you wanna personalise your comments on my blog, go to gravatar, and then once you’ve done that, enable it on your blog too!

btw, i noticed that “soon after” was about an hour or two for my avatar to be “globally recognised”, so be patient :)

kthxbi.

i have been very busy lately, and yet, i have done nothing really of interest. i’ve been kinda sick and achy all week too, which has made this week feel even longer. poor me.

i’m going to an engagement party tonight of my friend who is with child, which should be interesting. not because she’s pregnant. just because most of the people there are going to be people i went to school with. plus it’s really far away - halfway between Bilpin + Richmond - so i’m staying over at another friend’s house who i’m meeting this side of hell and driving there with. naturally, my beloved broke out in hives at the mere mention of such a party, so he will be staying home nursing his new radiation sickness (aka s.t.a.l.k.e.r) which we picked up yesterday. and by we, i mean me. which was good because i got to leave work early to do so.

my mum’s coming to visit in 5 sleeps. as always, i am filled with a mixture of excitement and dread - i like my mum, she’s lots of fun, but she’s also certifiable.

nothing much else happening. our new place is going well, although there are still a few boxes hanging around. but we’ve been getting into the culture - we’ve used the spa + sauna a couple of times, and have even gone workin’ out in the gym a few times. [but then that's been counteracted with visits to the numerous restaurants around, especially the pizzerias and the thai downstairs.]

and … that’s all i can think of that’s not mind-numbingly dull.