sometimes, it is hard to stay positive about losing weight.

it’s not like i am not having success … on the contrary, i have lost 10 kgs in 3 months …

but i’m fairly overweight, so i still have so much more to lose to be not overweight anymore.

and losing weight is hard.

i know this is the price i pay for not looking after myself in the first place - that if i’d showed some restraint previously, i would not have to forgo so much right now - but that doesn’t make it easier to remember why i’m doing this, when it feels like i’m constantly digging a hole in dry sand.

dieting is hard. it’s nigh impossible when you’re not seeing results, but it’s still hard even when you are when you’ve got this much ground to cover.

i’ve completely changed what i’m eating and i’ve lost 10 kilos and that’s fantastic and i’m proud and pleased and all … but at the end of the day, i’m still fat.

and i don’t want to be fat.

i guess it’s a patience and a persistence thing. *sigh* i mean, i’m not saying i’m gonna give up. just that i don’t like it.

and when people congratulate me on losing weight, i feel bad coz i wish they were congratulating me because i’d lost more. and then i feel bad that i feel bad, and my god, that’s a cycle that just never ends.

* title from ‘i don’t need the city’ by neuroticfish *

my husband and i don’t celebrate Valentines Day.

i object to the idea that society allocates a day where people are told they should be entirely focused on love. do not tell me when and how i should express my love for someone. it’s inappropriate and entirely unwelcome.

other reasons why i don’t like it:

it makes lonely and unhappy people even more lonely and unhappy, whether they’re single or in a relationship.

it encourages people to put unrealistic expectations on their partners - particularly women towards men - expectations like romantic declarations of love from atop tables in the middle of crowded food halls, or presents like gigantic bouquets of red roses, fancy chocolates, and oversized stuffed teddybears that cost some people most of their paycheque.

it makes it hard for people who are born around this date to celebrate their birthday with their friends and family.

it gives people an excuse to treat their partners like shit for the rest of the year as long as they do something “romantic” today.

it gives florists an excuse to cover the goddamn pavement out the front of their shop with rose petals.

it means the supermarkets are even more overflowing with chocolate in bright, attractive packaging.

that is all. :)

i think if i was given some sort of magical, mystical opportunity to change one thing about my body, i would choose to be without a uterus.

i adore men who are strong and confident, and yes, sometimes even arrogant. even if i am not attracted to them, i often find them an absolute pleasure to be around.

but there is a line. a BIG line.

sometimes, i deal with men who are strong willed and arseholes. i just want to scream at them that it is possible to be strong, powerful and/or impressive without being a jerkoff.

they come here, stand in my face and try to throw their attitude around, like i’m some “little woman” who’s going to take that shit lying down. and i can’t tell them to go stick it because i want their money. i can however gently but insistently imply by my demeanour, and my calm, controlled, restrained voice that this here is my domain, and i know what i’m doing.

then after 30 mins + of wasting my time, they realise i clearly know more than them, and they give up their control, the bullshit attitude, and the condescending tone of voice, and walk out of here much happier for it.

why can’t we just skip the middle bit where you’re acting like a jerk and making me unhappy and go straight to the part where you trust me and give me all your money?

title from Viagra Culture by Revolting Cocks